Cheat Codes and Participation Trophies - Losing the Art of Losing

I think most parents are coming around to seeing the futility of participation trophies.  The apex of treating our children's egos like Faberge' eggs has to be the idea of sports leagues not keeping score in the games because "we're all winners".  Yeah, that's a great sentiment, but not accurate and also not a good way to prepare little Tommy or Susie for the real world!  In life, there are times when you "lose" and how you handle that defeat will help to define your future more than how you react when you "win".

My kids play sports, they're involved in competitions and if no one kept score it would drive me insane because I'd personally have no watermark for knowing when the game or event was OVER!  Let's be honest, when you're warming a concrete stadium bench for any length of time, even when it ISN'T raining cats and dogs or below 60 degrees outside and you have to cocoon yourself in a blanket and control the chattering of your teeth so the other parents can hear their kids' names over the P.A. too, you'd like to know when the end is in sight.  Right?  Is it just me?!?

Back to the subject at hand!  I was thinking that this inability to accept loss started with us!  If any of you other parents enjoyed video games back in the day, you probably dabbled a bit in cheat codes.  Those hidden gems that gave you infinite lives or allowed you to bypass difficult challenges so you could complete a frustrating game?  Come on!  You've done it!  I STILL do it!  Now, if I'm stuck somewhere in a game on a puzzle or a mystery, I'll wrack my brains for only so long before I Google it so I can move on.  Why?  Well, I think Captain Kirk put it the most succinctly in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan when he was explaining why he changed the rules of the Kobayashi Maru simulator to beat the no-win scenario.  He simply explained, "I don't like to lose".

Well, no one likes to lose, but I would argue that learning to be a good loser also helps you to learn how to work harder, and be a more gracious winner because you remember what it was like on the other side.  Even if you're one of the rare folks who always wins (or seems to) I think you are more gracious in your winning because you see how the flip side is affecting those across the competition from you in their eyes.

Is losing all that bad?  Is it so terrible that you HAVE to give trophies to everyone?  I don't think so.  Sure, kids are going to be sad, vow to quit and never play again, toss their game controller across the room and yell.  When they DO win, however, you can see the swagger in their step, the pride in their faces and you know that THEY know it was earned and that can't be replaced!

My first team experience was playing little league baseball at the tender young age of six.  I played for District Five in Orchard Park New York for the Abbott 20 Club.  My first year was spent sitting on the bench chewing bubble gum and hurling insults at the other team's dugout while the older kids on our team played their hearts out.  We won many games and lost a few, it was great!  My second year, most of those older kids had moved on up to the next age level and we saw more field time.  We lost EVERY game that year!  After every game, our coach, Mr. Lynch, took us out for ice cream cones at this little place I can't remember the name of on Abbott Rd.  What I do remember is this huge hill in the back that we would lay down on our backs and roll down until we were sick and laughing hysterically.  By the time the ice cream was gone and we were in our parents' cars on the way home, losing the game was a distant memory and we were ready for next week's practice.  Funny how losing can leave someone with such fond memories, huh?

So to the readers and parents.  Let your kids lose!  Let them learn!  Let them watch those who worked harder or who were blessed with more natural ability take the big trophy and let them feel a bit of envy.  It DOES build character and we aren't doing our kids any favors by softening life's blows.  Our job is supposed to be to help them THROUGH it, not to make sure it never happens!

Take care,

David

North Carolina and The End of the World

After North Carolina recently voted to ban gay marriage in their state, there was an immediate uproar across Facebook from people "ashamed" and "embarrassed" at their decision.  I honestly wasn't that up on what was going on so I decided to do some reading on it, and in a rare moment of wisdom for me, hold my tongue until I decided exactly how I felt about the issue of gay marriage and the decision of the people of North Carolina.

First, let's establish what I personally believe are the facts.  My "facts" may not jibe with yours completely, but in order to figure out how I feel about something, I need to set a baseline, so here is mine.

#1.  Gay and lesbian couples want to be married so they can share in the same legal benefits as a heterosexual married couple.  By breaking that down, I'm assuming that means:
     A.) They want to be able to be listed as "next of kin" should something awful happen and a decision has to be made about the one they love.
     B.) They want to be able to provide health benefits to their partner on their insurance
     C.) Overall, they want their relationship to be considered as just as legitimate as anyone else in the eyes of the government.

Did I miss anything?

#2.  Christians who oppose gay marriage, oppose it based on what is written in the Holy Bible.  We are told that God designed marriage as such in Genesis Chapter 2:

^"21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs^[g] and then closed up the place with flesh. ²² Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib^[h] he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
²³ The man said,

“This is now bone of my bones
    and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,’
    for she was taken out of man. ”

²⁴ That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh."

 So Christians are looking at marriage from God's perspective and what we are taught in the Bible.


Now, full disclosure for those who don't know (and you can stop reading now if this surprises or offends you) I am a Christian.  I love the Lord, and I believe in the scriptures.  I have many wonderful friends who are Atheists or Agnostics and I love them for their passion, their ethics and many other fine qualities.  They're all fine people, if they weren't, I wouldn't be friends with them!  I pray for them whether they want me to or not.  That being said, I also have friends and family who are homosexual or who have homosexual friends.


So, how does one like me reconcile my desire for my friends to be happy while still being faithful to my beliefs?  Well, if you re-read what I've outlined above there should be something very glaring there (again, unless I missed something crucial).  What the advocates of gay marriage seem to be longing for is all based on man made law and what the governments of the States or even our Nation define as "legal".  So are the opposing sides even talking about the same thing?  I guess my question is, if gay people want to have all the legal rights of a married couple, if they want to profess their love for each other and be legitimized in the eyes of the government, why can't that be done and called something ELSE?!?

Let's go with Civil Union.  Each couple, heterosexual or homosexual is joined legally in a civil union at the court house when the proper paperwork is filed and fees paid.  Once this is done, then have a nice life, enjoy the tax benefits, take care of each other on your insurance, in your wills, etc.  For Christians or any members of any other religions, go then and get married in a RELIGIOUS ceremony at your own church after the fact.

Now, why does this matter?  Well to the atheists it doesn't (or it shouldn't).  It's all about the government and the law of man.  To a Christian like myself, who has been married once without Jesus in the mix (and THAT was a dismal failure) and is now enjoying a beautiful marriage and a oneness with my wife that can only come from sharing our walk with the Lord, my covenant with my wife and God in front of friends and family was all about making Jesus part of this relationship.  I think this is where we, as a society, are faltering.  We have two groups calling two very different things by the SAME name.  It comes back to defining parameters and making sure everyone is on the same page.

So, without going into great detail about how government shouldn't have ANYTHING to do with the definition of marriage or who can do what with whomever they like, here's the way it would be in David Hooie's perfect world.  You want to denote your partner as the next of kin or the one who makes decisions for you in case you are unable?  That's called a Power of Attorney.  You want to provide health coverage for the one you love?  Who you pay to cover on your insurance should honestly be between you, your employer (if applicable) and the insurance company.  It's a business transaction after all  If all insurance companies were allowed to compete across state lines for our business, I think we'd find them becoming a lot more flexible on many fronts to get or keep our business!

If you are a Christian and believe that what you have in covenant with God and your spouse is not of this world, then be at peace with that and remember we are also taught that God IS love and Jesus told us to love our neighbors and treat them the way we would want to be treated.

Am I way off base here?  Did I miss some key information? Would love to hear your thoughts!


Take care,


David

My first blog

Wait?  ANOTHER Blogger out here spewing forth his opinion on things he should most likely be keeping to himself?  Yes!  Why, you ask?

Well, the answer is pretty simple.  Like everyone else, I have an opinion.  Over the last several months I've noticed that most people aren't afraid to share their opinions with everyone they know on Facebook or Twitter and I've always resisted the urge to stick my neck out there because I know that my opinion goes against that of so many of my friends and the listeners of my Doctor Who podcast, Hoo On Who.  But if I have to sit there and read about how wrong my feelings are and how stupid and backwards I am for thinking/feeling the way I do, shouldn't I be allowed a fair and proper defense for my stances?

I don't expect to sway anyone else from their beliefs, but it seems to me that we've gotten to a point in this world where you either agree with the masses or you're an idiot.  That's the general feeling I get, and I love all my friends.  If I didn't, they wouldn't be friends!  I don't want them to fall into lock step with me on everything I think or believe, I want them to challenge my beliefs and the way I look at the world.  I do, however, want the name calling and the finger pointing that seems to be so popular to stop and there to be some mutual respect for those of us with the unpopular viewpoints.

Thus, the birth of this blog.  I'll be spouting off more soon on politics, religion, social beliefs, gun control, parenting, pet ownership and anything else that lights my fire.

I hope you will read and consider.  Challenge me where you feel I need it, but more importantly, respect that my viewpoint is mine and I've come to it in much the same way you have come to yours.

Take care,


David